American Crapitalism

Cross posted at Substack. 

They used to say “build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.” That’s how it used to be. A good idea, finding a market and building a business would make you rich. But an important point that’s often lost is that you were also making consumers better off - making their lives easier.

You invented something useful or that people really wanted, got a patent, started a business and got to market. When the patent expired, the free market did what it was supposed to do. Competitors stepped in, prices dropped, the consumer got a better deal. Companies had to compete for their piece of the pie. They still made their profits but they also made consumers lives better.

It still works that way to a point. A good idea can still make you rich and consumers better off but in today’s American-style capitalism, at some point, the making consumers better off part of the deal gets lost and the business just starts mining consumers for every last nickel they have.

The real money is made not from the invention but finding ways to increase profits without increasing value.

If an American business rolled out the new mousetrap today, you wouldn’t buy a piece of wood and wire that simply worked. You’d get an internet-connected, Bluetooth-enabled appliance that needs constant firmware updates, a steady Wi-Fi signal and actually works about 60% of the time.

You’ll also need a monthly subscription, or annual if you want to save a couple of dollars a year, to keep it working. $2 a month to set the trap, $2 a month to release the mouse. You want 4K video of the mouse being killed? That’ll be $5 a month, but... but... The app will use AI to tell you what kind of mouse it was. Also, you’ll need a smartphone and our app to make it all work.

The company’s MBAs and lawyers would get to work lobbying the regulators to lock out any DIY competitors under the guise of “public health and safety.” Only licensed mousetraps allowed.

And don’t think you can just pitch that dead mouse into your own trash can. You’ll need a certified disposal process that only costs one dollar per mouse. Or... you can buy our rodent disposal tray (patent-pending) that uses our special odor-free disposal litter (patent-pending). A $10 bag will last for months. Both charges can be included on your monthly statement.

They’d also launch a MouseTrap(^TM) game for the kids. They’ll need a phone or tablet and our game app of course. Oh... and little dead mouse stuffies!? Plastic dead mice in happy meals? A Netflix series? Think of the children!

Also... The company will eventually go public with a huge IPO so you can participate in the profits from this great product. But, there may not be any since they’ve borrowed heavily to pay the private equity investors back, along with a handsome profit, so the long-term outlook is probably not that great.

Wow... got carried away there. Still.

Capitalism American-style isn’t really about the product or making life better for people. It’s about turning the consumer into a resource to be drilled, fracked, mined and drained of every loose cent until the well runs dry.

The trap isn’t for the mice—it’s for you.

It’s American Crapitalism at its finest.