The Perfect Phone Calls

Why does Trump always stress that his mob-style, slightly threatening, quid-pro-quo phone calls are "Perfect"?

He's used "perfect phone call" to descibe two of his most obvious qui-pro-quo calls, the one asking Zelensky to find dirt on Biden and one to Raffensperger to find 11,749 votes.

So where did "Perfect phone call" come from?

I have my theory explained here in a short story about young Donnie growing up and learning the ropes of his fathers slightly-shady NYC real estate business.

Once upon a time in the bustling city of New York, there lived a little boy named Donnie. Donnie was the son of a very wealthy real-estate operator who operated near the edge of the law and ruled his empire with an iron fist.

Determined to give his son every opportunity to succeed in the slimy NYC real estate business, he spared no expense in training young Donnie in the dark arts of operating near, very near, or even slightly over, the letter of the law.  

At one point he enrolled Donnie into a unique course, one that taught youngsters the art of being a crime boss. The school's motto was simple yet powerful: "Prevention is protection." One of the early classes was CB101: "Threatening people to get your way without breaking the law". The course focused on how to get people to do things for you by asking in a way that they feared something bad would happen if they refused without actually threatening violence which could be a crime.

Now little Donnie struggled, being a big talker and not being the smartest kid he was slow to learn some of the finer points. He couldn't understand why he couldn't just threaten people to get his way.

The teacher explained it could get him in trouble with the law. He had to be careful with the wording. It had to sound threatening to the victim but not to law enforcement.

There had to have some way to make the violence part sound deniable.

In class when practicing tough phone calls, Donnie would say things like "If you don't give me your lunch money I'll have my friends beat you up."

"NO!" The teacher said, "that mentions actual violence. You could go to jail for saying something like that."

Donnie tried again, "If you don't give me your lunch money, I will punch you."

"No! Violence again", said the teacher.

"If you don't give me your lunch money you could get hurt?"

"Still too threatening", said the teacher.

Donnie tried again..."If you don't give me your lunch money recess could be very bad for you?"

"Better but still not there."

Donnie tried yet again. "If you don't give me your lunch money I'll tell the teacher you cheated on the test"

"Better, give me another one." said the teacher

Little Donnie was getting it now, "If you don't give me your lunch money, I won't be your friend."

"PERFECT!" said the teacher, "That was a Perfect Phone call"
 
Donnie beamed a great big smile. He had learned how to do the "perfect" mob-boss phone call.

He remembered the lesson of the "Perfect Phone Call" and to the end of his days and would tell everyone about his perfect phone calls.

The end.